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Fearless Superhero Sadiq Khan to Ban Junk Food Ads on London’s Public Transport

In a city besieged by acid attacks, homicides, and a knife crime epidemic, one man has the solution to save us all:

Banning junk food advertisements.

That’s right. Further proving that he is the heroic Mayor we need but do not deserve, Sadiq Khan is planning London’s first ever junk food advertisement ban across the entire Transport for London network.

In a bid to tackle the “ticking time bomb” of child obesity, ads for “unhealthy food and drink” will be banned if the proposal is approved. Banned ads will include promotions for food and drinks that are high in fat, salt or sugar. But companies will be able to promote “healthier products within their range, such as salads or bottled water.” This means that whilst McDonald’s wouldn’t be able to promote a Big Mac anymore, they could choose instead to promote their wildly popular salad menu. (Remember, those salads that contain more fat than a Big Mac?)

Khan was heavily criticized, as usual, for the initiative. Piers Morgan condemned the mayor for being “too scared to answer a few tough questions” in regards to the knife crime epidemic London currently faces, insinuating that Kahn refuses to go onto Good Morning Britain when Morgan is presenting for fear that he will be suitably interrogated.

Piers also tweeted that Londoners should be careful they don’t get stabbed by a cheeseburger.

Even Celebrity TV dating expert Nadia Essex condemned Khan, denouncing him as “pathetic.”

Earlier this week, Khan also insisted that he has “done nothing wrong” regarding the upsurge in crime underneath his leadership.  

One could also argue that he has done nothing right.

In all fairness to Khan, he may have a point. Perhaps the junk food ad ban is meant to help Londoners run away faster from potential stabbings if they lose weight.

4D chess. Well played, Khan, well played.

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