Extrasolar Phallus is the Shocker Humanity Has Been Waiting For

A cigar-shaped asteroid is getting an inordinate amount of attention due to its odd shape, with a leading astronomer suggesting it might be an alien probe.

‘Oumuamua, a recently discovered interstellar object that passed by Earth in November, has been observed to move strangely—much like an aircraft whose engines are malfunctioning.

Scientists led by Professor Stephen Hawking, whose theories have revolutionized the way we look at the universe, will be using state-of-the-art scanning equipment to discover what ‘Oumuamua actually is.

At a glance, ‘Oumuamua resembles a Zentraedi invading warship from the Japanese anime series, Macross.

Dr. Jason Wright, a leading astronomer at Penn State University put forth the possibility that it could be a broken alien spacecraft sent to probe other worlds by an alien civilization. He proposed that the object could be a “Von Neumann probe”—a self-replicating spacecraft designed for expansive space exploration.

The cigar-shaped object is about a quarter of a mile long, and one-tenth as wide, traveling at speeds of up to 196,000mph. Unlike other rocks, which simply move through space in an arced trajectory, astronomers say ‘Oumuamua is “tumbling” through the solar system on an erratic course.

Our new Zentraedi overlords are displeased.

Our new Zentraedi overlords are displeased.

Describing the object on his blog, Wright wrote: “Such derelict craft would, if they are not traveling so fast that they escape the Galaxy, eventually ‘thermalize’ with the stars and end up drifting around like any other interstellar comet or asteroid.”

“In fact, since they (presumably) no longer have attitude control, one would expect that they would eventually begin to tumble, and if they are very rigid that tumbling might distinguish them from ordinary interstellar asteroids… and in fact, just because their propulsion is broken doesn’t mean that their radio transmitters would be broken.”

Contrary to other reports, Wright does not personally believe Oumuamua to be an alien spacecraft, and expressed that he is just happy to engage in speculation within SETI context.

“I think ‘Oumuamua is interesting in its own right as an asteroid and because of how it is getting us thinking about how to find alien probes in the Solar System,” he wrote.

Sources: DANGEROUS, Jason Wright.

Facebook Comments


  1. Noishkel

    December 13, 2017 at 6:43 pm

    Well for those not in the know about UFOs there is a known type of ‘craft’ that’s cigar shaped. In fact I’ve seen them on multiple occasions in the greater Memphis area. Not just distant lights at night sky, I’m talking about full daylight sightings of motionless and silent black objects. Longer than a semi truck with a red and a blue flashing light on the end. And I even once saw a giant version of one at night doing very wild maneuvers with long ‘blue flames’ that was shaped more like this thing. May even have been that size of the thing they see now.

    That said, I don’t really think that is what this object is. Even with things I’ve seen personally I believe that Occam’s Razor still applies. But it does make you wonder.

    • Dave from Oz

      December 13, 2017 at 8:46 pm

      What a shame you never managed to take a single photo. Didn’t have your phone with you? It’s the ubiquity of mobile phones that have finally discredited UFO claimants. That, and video documentation of people making crop circles which were later fawned over by credulous nutcases.

      • Noishkel

        December 13, 2017 at 10:11 pm

        Sadly no, I never got a good photo. But not for lack of trying. I was seeing these things when I was truck driver from the mid 00s until ’13 when I took a serous injury in a truck crash that took me out of the industry. At the time cellphone cameras weren’t that great. I did keep a decent digital camera in the truck for general use, but most digital cameras are crap for night shots. Which was when most of my sightings happened.

        The thing is though is there have been a few really good innovations in terms of night time digital photography and night vision cameras. It’s only a matter of time before these cameras get cheap enough that people will be able to film these things all the time.

        • Dante Alighieri

          December 16, 2017 at 9:41 pm

          … serious injury in a truck crash …

          Not to make light of your misfortune, but were you looking at UFOs when you crashed?

      • Bookish1

        December 14, 2017 at 2:46 pm

        Don’t scoff. Do a search on UFO sightings by pilots and try to explain all of those away.

  2. Kevin

    December 14, 2017 at 9:42 am

    Watch out! It’s aiming for Uranus!!!

  3. dan

    December 14, 2017 at 1:20 pm

    Take me Oumuamua, getting a little tired of it all……

  4. Bookish1

    December 14, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    I like the way it moves.

  5. Jeff

    December 15, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    Not enough girth in this one for a proper phallus.

    • Hairaticrick

      December 16, 2017 at 8:21 am

      Could be Asian. 😀

  6. Angel Scott

    December 16, 2017 at 3:34 am

    For god’s sake people, time to watch “Unackknowled” on Netflix!!!

    • Angel Scott

      December 16, 2017 at 3:35 am

      God bless, I meant to spell Unacknowledged.

  7. Hairaticrick

    December 16, 2017 at 8:19 am

    A cigar-shaped object is sometimes just a cigar-shaped object. But, once in a galactic timeline a cigar-shaped object proofs that god is a dude! 😁

  8. Byzantine_General

    December 16, 2017 at 12:58 pm

    “astronomers say ‘Oumuamua is “tumbling” through the solar system on an erratic course”

    No, they don’t — perhaps you were thinking of astrologers. If only word-people had some clue about how ignorant they are of number-stuff!

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