Leftists Triggered By Trump Turn To… Professional Cuddlers

The election of Donald Trump has spurred a mass leftist retreat into safe spaces including – drumroll please –  “professional cuddling.”

Rolling Stone reports that the professional cuddling industry has seen giant growth following the election of President Trump.

“The work is actually political now,” said Marcia Baczynski, who co-founded the service Cuddle Party. “It used to be the case that you talked about cuddle parties because these are important skills for life – everyone’s navigating boundaries. And now we need to have boundaries with our government. How the fuck do you do that? How do you conceptualize having a leader who is essentially an abusive asshole?”

Baczynski added that many of her clients are people “triggered by Trump’s actions, history of sexual abuse allegations and manipulative behaviors.”

“The holiday season was the first time that since Trump won the election that a lot of people were seeing their family,” Adam Lippin, co-founder and CEO of Cuddlist, told Rolling Stone. “People with different political views were going to be in the same place with relatives. That was the first hit of people having to confront it in a significant way. We saw an uptick around that.”

After Trump’s victory in November, the University of Pennsylvania created a safe space for “triggered” students complete with coloring books and puppies. Because leftists are spoiled children that demand to be coddled – or cuddled.


Rolling Stone



  1. Robert A'Beuy

    August 7, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    All out of Play-Doh, are we?

  2. Bryce Byerley

    August 7, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    Note to self: Invest in professional cuddling, crayons and coloring book markets for a 2020 windfall.

    • james beapukin

      August 8, 2017 at 10:24 am

      I’m going long on fainting couch stocks, personally.

    • Sharon Dula

      August 11, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      Yes indeed, lmao

  3. True.Epic.Crusader

    August 7, 2017 at 5:29 pm


  4. Rob Patriot

    August 7, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    I’m sure they’ll get a lot of business from Muslims. They should expand to Europe.

  5. rwg1949yt .

    August 7, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    good news for your kids when they leave home. look who the competition for employment is.

  6. ranterator

    August 7, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    Wonder what cuddle withdrawal looks like?

  7. Adrian Valle

    August 8, 2017 at 9:30 am

    I’m triggered OINK

  8. Hannah

    August 8, 2017 at 9:35 am

    Are they so friendless that they need to hire someone to give them a hug….

  9. Quiet Desperation

    August 8, 2017 at 9:41 am

    Could the webmasters please turn off whatever flag is set to make the page snap back when I try to zoom it. I have a hack that overrides it but it’s annoying .

  10. Sharon Dula

    August 11, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    This beats all the craziness I have seen and heard in 57 years! Unbelievable!! How do they make it thru life?? I think I will get into the security blanket industry, lmao

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